Thursday, 13 October 2011

quotes funny one liners

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York. 

I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon. 

Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don't ask outside. I'm constantly bothered by bees. 

It's not who you know, it's whom you know. 

There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot". 

One goldfish says to the other, "If there's no God, who changes our water every week?" (thanks to Warren) 

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right. 

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. 

Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat? 

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence. 

George Bush has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year. 

I had amnesia once - maybe twice. 

Originality is the art of concealing your sources. 

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