Friday, 14 October 2011

really funny one liners

  • It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
  • I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  • Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
  • Few women admit their age; few men act it.
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
  • Life is too complicated in the morning.
  • We are all part of the ultimate statistic-ten out of ten die.
  • Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
  • Ask me about my vow of silence.
  • The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
  • Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
  • If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
  • If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
  • I intend to live forever. So far so good.
  • Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
  • I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
  • I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."

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