funny one liners

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I love finding money in my clothes.....its like a gift from me.. to me.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

If you got a new calendar for the holidays, did you go straight to your birthday month to see which picture it is?

When I sneeze four times, that one "bless you" is enough... There is no need to repeat it.

Dear bed, I know that I left you this morning, but I love you. Take me back?

Some people don't poop, crap just comes out of their mouth 24/7