Saturday, 31 December 2011

sad one liners

funny facebook wall posts
funny facebook status messages
funny facebook statuses

ROFLMAO reminds me of my dog. He does the same, except for the laughing part

The thought of writing a love letter is so romantic. 
But wasting a whole letter for 'I wanna have sex with you' is not good.

‎3 more to 1500. C'mon guys. Invite your friends to like this page. Don't you want your friends to laugh hysterically like a maniac (Read: you) ?!?!

I take the road less traveled. Helps in avoiding traffic.

There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between coz you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.

famous funny one liners

tried shaving last 3 cuts......nw dnt ask whr i tried it.... ;p

‎1596. Hmmm. You ain't helping. no?
Suggest this page to 100 friends, and good luck will go to bed with you.
If you won't, good luck will take a back door entry and you'll give birth to a pig.

Before Viagra - Leaning Tower of Pisa. 
After Viagra - Qutab Minar. 
Viagra Overdose - Eiffel Tower.

Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer....

funny one line jokes

A joke in reply to a joke makes you a stand up comedian, well at least an amateur and unpaid one.

I love to watch her leave. She has a sexy ass.

He: "I eat only salad." 
Me: "I eat chicken. Even the bones." 
He: "Ha! So what does your dog eat?" 
Me: "Salad." 
*Removes me from friends list*

If tomato is a fruit then Ketchup is smoothy.

If he says your eyes are pretty, the push-up bra was a good investment.

funny one line jokes

Dreams are like sperms. Mental masturbation produces millions of them. 
Only one changes your future forever.

She got a boob job done. From her mind, the bad mammaries are fading away.

If men are from Mars, then why can't we send them back?

What people! Y U NO get me 2000 fans?

READ THIS! This isnt fake. If you dont copy and paste this in ten minutes, you will be wasting your time because it wont effect your life in anyway at all...

Quick, what's the number for 911?

Friday, 23 December 2011

funny one line jokes

Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall "You peaked in high school."

I don't know how to not love You. You never thought Me that.

love is a history in boy's lyf but an episode in girl's careful...!!

Sometimes my EX pops up in my Facebook feed and I think "I am so glad you're the one that got away."

Y I am afraid to lose u when u r not even mine.

Why the words "I L♥ve you" needs an answer though we all know it is not a question??

I want a girlfriend who... Actually, no. I would just like a girlfriend.

funny jokes one liners

Alcohol: Because no good story starts with "So this one time I was eating a salad...."

That awkward moment when someone texts you something and you have no idea how to reply.

Depressing: Scrolling down to find my year of my birth.

Dark night + Heavy rain + Coldness + Nice blanket = Perfect sleep ♥

Of course I can keep a secret. It's the people I tell it to who can't.

Don't let my bedroom floor fool you. It may appear dirty, but those are actually clean clothes that I haven't folded in months.

funny jokes one liners

Tired of being single? Go sleep on the couch for a night and remember what it feels like to be in a relationship.

Promises are a bit like babies... Fun to make but hard to deliver.

I always do something amazing when no one's watching.

If something cool happens and you don't share it on Facebook, did it actually happen?

Facebook has been saving me money on birthday cards for the almost 5 years now.

100 funny one liners

Pacman was originally going to be called Puckman, but they changed it because they were afraid of vandals changing the 'P' to an 'F'.

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"

If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit end on a call, I would have no friends.

When I think about how much time I've spent on Facebook, I wonder how many miles I've scrolled on my mouse wheel.

Waiting for a specific person to text you but every time the phone's everyone else but that person.

100 funny one liners

When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out... "hey, who knew they had wi-fi up here?"

My life is like 1-ply toilet paper..I get the job done but I have no idea how.

Wisdom doesn't always come with age. Sometimes age just shows up by itself.

There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego

Google+ is the "gym" of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

funniest one liners

For the first time in a long time everyone in America has something to be thankful for: Desperate Housewives’ final season!

Thanksgiving is that magical time a year when you remember why you only see your family once a year.

If I had one superpower, it would be the ability to punch salesmen through the phone!

Unless "chasing my dreams" consists of a brisk walk, I'm probably not in good enough shape to do it.

I'm pretty jealous of my parents, no one will never have a kid as cool as theirs.

Santa is the ultimate hipster. Works one day a year and spends the rest of the year judging you.

funniest one liners

The words synonym and antonym are antonyms. Well played, antonym. 

Making your font type bigger so it looks like you’ve written more

If any bill collectors call you during this Holiday Season, just hang up on them. Ho ho ho.

I hate when the definition of a word has other words that I have to look up also. 

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

funniest one liners

If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.

Next time your “making love” try screaming your own name

I just found out my Grandpa has alzheimer’s…. He’s totally cool with it. He gets to meet new people everyday!

X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

I love Pandas, they`re so chill. They`re like "Dude, racism is stupid. I`m White, Black, and Asian...