Thursday, 20 October 2011

very funny one liners

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability
Proof computers are female: Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.
Why do they have a high fence around the graveyard? Everyone is dying to get in.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
‎”What do use for washing dishes?”
“Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best.”
“Dad I’m hungry.” “Nice to meet you hungry!” “Dad, I’m serious…” “I thought you were hungry?” “Are you kidding?!” “No, I’m Dad.”
People with high attitude deserve the standing ovation of Middle Finger !!
‎100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor… so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark..
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
‎”SIT AND STUDY” – this stunt is performed by experts under controlled conditions. Don’t try this at home or anywhere :P
‎2 eyes to see, 2 ears to hear, 2 hands to hold, 2 legs to walk. but 1 heart? because the other was given to someone else, for us to find. ♥
A Day Without Music Is Like A Year Without Rain
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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