Sunday, 16 October 2011

very funny one liners

If at first you don't succeed, try left field. 

When at the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, "I didn't get to where I am today by listening to people like you!" (thanks to Adam Cochran) 

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. 

I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me. 

If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2? 

I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired. 

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York. 

I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon. 

Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don't ask outside. I'm constantly bothered by bees. 

It's not who you know, it's whom you know. 

There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot". 

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