Wednesday, 27 June 2012

top one liners

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Remember: Don't insult the crocodile until after you cross the river.

Old age is nothing to worry about, except if you’re a cheese.

I don't know about you, but work seems to interfere with my personal life.

funny one liner quotes

Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you dont know.

If you lend someone $10 and never see them again, it was probably money well spent.

I made a killing in the stock market yesterday. I shot my broker.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

love one liners

if at times life seems to get too tough then turn up the music and grab another beer

whenever i want to fall in love with my books my bed seduces me. . .

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

practice make perfect,nobody perfect....

silly one liners

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

Yesterday I knew nothing....
today I know that....!!!

Women live longer than men coz they don't have wives ....

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

short one liners

Me n My Girlfriend were happy for past 20 years
And then we met....

Don't believe your heart its not on the right side ...

Why do people put designs on toilet paper? It's not like when they wipe their butt there gonna be like Oh my god! a flower!

Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor...?

clean one liners

"If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass"

love ,,,what u feel is right,,,

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

If a Store is Opened 24/7 365 Days a year! Why do they have Locks on the Doors???

one liner quotes

he who dares wins

This guy walk's into a bar........."OUCH" 

don't talk to me with that look

throwing grenades at bruno mars's girlfriend to see if he is all talk no walk

one liners on life

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

gigidy gigidy gigidy gigidy goo all right

if 1 and 1 is 2 wats 1 and 2 

movie one liners

The word today is legs let's go back to yours and spread the word!!

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?

You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.

if ALL the human race was evolved by monkeys, then wy do only guys have hair on every single part of their body?

stupid one liners

All men should marry ..... after all.... Happiness is not the only thing in the world!!!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back

hilarious one liner jokes

If you think paper beats rock ,hold this piece up to your face while I get a rock

I want u to hav candel-lit dinner wit me and want to say those MAGICAL THREE WORDS to u...

"PAY THE Bill" ;)

One mystery of life is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.

are you free . No but im very reasonable

funniest one liners

time flies when your throwing watches..

There's about as much privacy in the Digital Age as toothpaste in a henhouse.

at Walmart my son was wearing caouflage pants and i couldnt find him

Santa's mom thought LOL stands for ""lots of love" so she texted her son "Your Grandma just died. LOL."

sarcastic one liners

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

The two-party political system gives either party the chance to swear BY what the other one swears AT

Pick tennis opponents whose socks, when pacing the court, are as loud as their grunts when hitting the ball.

i suffer from C.R.S. (can't remember shit)

good one liners

The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.

I'm well.... why don't you drop in sometime....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said OK, you're ugly too.

Teamwork gives you someone else to blame.

twitter one liners

Important announcement: I've just seen the cows going home. We can all stop everything we're doing!

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

iam sorrry dog ate my homework and i ate my dog...!!

Ability is the only source of promotion

when your Boss has no Daughter…

great one liners

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

I wish our heads had bluetooth.

A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

it was lovely speaking to you, come back when you have less time