Thursday, 20 October 2011

funny one liners on life

funny one liners on life

Ross Kemp has never seen a game of football before,
because he always leaves before anything kicks off.

I walked into a hotel today. A bloke said "Are you here for the Twitter convention?",
I said "Yes.", so he said "Follow me."

I couldn't really sprint at school, I preferred to take my time and build up my endurance levels,
which benefitted me in the long run.

What do you call a Chinese man with a video camera? Phil Ming

I could hear music coming out of my printer the other day,
bloody paper was jammin' again.

If you want to keep slim take up queue jumping,
it reduces your wait.

A prisoner on Death Row in Utah was allowed to choose his firing squad,
he asked for Fernando Torres.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with health and safety,
I said, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

What do chav's write in their Fathers Day cards?
'To whom it may concern'. 

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