funny one liners jokes

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

I know how to shut up… I just don’t know when

husband: ur cooking is pathetic despite u watch so many cookery shows !
wife: u watch porn .., but do i ever complain

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.

I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions?

If you ever tell a joke and no one laughs, just say I guess that joke was alot like sex.. I get it and you dont!

Dear Google, can u just let me write my sentence before u start guessing !!….:)

My iphone battery can last longer than Facebook relationship 

I bought condoms & the cashier said do you need a bag? I replied “No she isn’t that ugly”-

It’s never too late to start. Which is why I’m putting it off till tomorrow.

Ever hear of Feng Shui? It’s an ancient Chinese expression which means, “Put your husband’s crap in the garage.”