Thursday, 13 October 2011

great one liners

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Yes, some people claim to enjoy exercise.  But then, some people claim to have been abducted by aliens too.

It’s all very well trying to “talk it through.”  But its tricky when most men would rather scrub the kitchen floor during a test match than discuss anything emotional.

Stomachs are not meant to be flat, I don’t care what anyone says.

Assertiveness is useless in a relationship where people stopped listening to each other long ago.  Good old-fashioned punch-ups are the only answer.

Warm baths do not cure insomnia.  A bottle of Muscadet and a large Jack Daniels cures insomnia.

People who “put something by each week” are simply not shopping hard enough.

People are sometimes curious enough to exchange personal telephone numbers for a clandestine look at someone else’s boredom.

I thought black was supposed to be slimming, but it always makes me look like the opening to a tunnel.

I don’t cook.  I can’t be good in every room in the house!

What word describes the practice of being married to only one man at a time.  Mono-something.  Ah … Monotony.

Did you know that banging your head up against a brick walls burns 150 calories per hour?

Preserve nature.  Pickle a squirrel today.

Other people are ‘types’.  One always thinks of oneself as an individual.

The worst moment for any atheist is when he feels grateful for something and has no-one to thank.

The least one can ask an atheist is not to make his atheism an article of faith.

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