jokes funny one liners

I'm in the mood to flood the whole place with uppercuts!!!














I wonder if T-Pain ever buy that girl a drink?.....His cheap self- lying bastard make other girl push on niggas in the club to pop bottles-




















I have a lot of girls in my phone with the last name "FromTheClub".
















Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

funny quotes one liners

No need to be popular just to win someone's heart. Be yourself. Because in someone's eyes, you are already special.










WHAT DID THE PATRIOT PUT ON HIS DRY SKIN? REVO-LOTION


















Back in the day, my father had the best TV Remote of all times. It was me.
















Girl on FB changed relationship status to 'Single'. No one gave a damn. More painful than being dumped.

funny sayings

When you walk into a Spider Web, it's funny how u instantly know kung-fu














I wish people realized that accepting a friend request doesn't mean I'll respond to your chat message.


















American kid:"so, you're from the uk? cool! so do you have tea with the Queen?"
British kid: "Do you go to mcdonalds with Obama?"














Pastor died and went to hell.When he asked for the wrong he had done,the demon said ''You stole a friends status".Let he who has eyes repent.

clean one liner jokes

Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come." 
















What do you do with 365 used rubbers? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. 










You may find this hard to believe, but I found the pot at the end of the rainbow once. I smoked it.








I MUST BE GETTING OLDER . LATELY ALL IM LOOKING FOR IS A ONE NIGHT SIT

extremely funny one liners

Macho law forbids you to admit you are wrong.
















A girl’s weakest moment is after her strongest drink.


















Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize that you haven’t fallen asleep yet.






















An article of attire to be worn on every conceivable occasion - a condom perhaps. 

funny one liners twitter

I YELL OW! . BEFORE I EVEN KNOW I HURT . . JUST IN CASE








I'm planning on opening a religious gym that teaches power walking combined with doorbell ringing and door knocking. I am going to call it Jehovah's Fitness!










The police say they burn the marijuana they confiscate......which would explain the donuts!










My friends threw me a surprise party!!!! They called it an intervention, but hey, I was surprised.....