unlimited funny one liners

• I need somebody bad. Are you bad?
• Physically pffffffft!
• Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
• I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are.
• Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
• Keep staring....I may do a trick.
• We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.
• It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.
• Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture.
• Dangerously under-medicated.
• My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone.
• Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
• Live your life so that when you die, the preacher won't have to tell lies at your funeral.
• In God we trust. All others we polygraph.

some more funny pages .

http://www.squidoo.com/quote-of-the-day2 

http://www.squidoo.com/funnyone-liner-quotes 

http://www.squidoo.com/funny-stupid-quotes 


http://www.squidoo.com/funny-slogans 

http://www.squidoo.com/super-funny-quotes