huge list of funny one liners jokes

• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
• OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
• Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
• Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
• Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
• Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• Keep honking...I'm reloading
• Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.
• The face of a child can say it all....especially the mouth part of the face.
• Our lady of blessed acceleration, dont fail us now! -- Elwood Blues
• Remember: Silly is a state of mind, stupid is a way of life.