funny one liners

• Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
• Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then they beat you with experience.
• Motto of the Bomb Squad: If you see us running, you better catch up.
• The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
• Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
• It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
• Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
• If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
• COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
• The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.