witty funny one liners

• What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex?
  "Are you done?"
• What are the three words women hate to hear during sex?
  "Honey, I'm home!"
• What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
  45 pounds.
• What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
  45 minutes.
• What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
  Sexual harassment.
• What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
  $3.99 a minute.
• What is the definition of "making love"?
  Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
• What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
  Married.
• What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
  A woman that won't do what she's told.
• How can you tell if your wife is dead?
  The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
• How can you tell if your husband is dead?
  The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
• What's the difference between men and pigs?