funny one liners twitter

When they were handing out looks, I thought they said books, and I said "Give me something funny." ;)








My favorite sex position? The one that doesn't stay too long and the one that could be changed easily! ;)










yeah.. I'm going to HELL on red rolling wheels, but it's OK bitch cause your ass is riding shotgun!










I miss the days when the only thing on the "to-do" list was finding hidden shapes in the clouds and rolling down grassy hills.




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I miss the days when the only thing on the "to-do" list was finding hidden shapes in the clouds and rolling down grassy hills.












My mother texted me "What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?" I answered: "I dont know, love u, talk to u later." Mother: "Ok, I'll ask someone else".








They say, "keep your friends close but your enemies closer." The problem is, now a days you can't tell which is which








You made me an option so I'm making you a history.. Lost and forgotten.

funny quotes one liners

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.








Times are so bad that Kingfisher Airlines is hiring Air hostesses from YOUR Engineering college.








What is common between clouds and wife?......
Well when both r not around you have a bright day








Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.












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Sex won't make him love you, and a baby won't make him stay.








Sex is one of the nine reasons its worth to be re-incarnated... 
the other eight are un-important








I guess I would rather risk being not liked for my truth, rather than to lie for people to like me. 
When truth is exposed liars lose all.

funny quotes one liners

A relationship with no trust is like having a phone with no service, u just play games...








Miss someone who is ready to miss anything for you & Do not wait for the person who never waits for you!!










Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been around for years: they call it 'cash.'








Behind every bitch is a line of cheaters, losers, and players who made her that way.








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My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects










We’ve a lot to Loose & very little to Choose. When ever you get a chance to Choose… Do it Wisely & see that you never Loose what you Choose










Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..is about to insult u.








We’ve a lot to Loose & very little to Choose. When ever you get a chance to Choose… Do it Wisely & see that you never Loose what you Choose

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"class, dignity, & elegance will never go out of style"










"......There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.........."










Once Rakhi Sawant goes to LIC Office.
Rakhi: I want to get my body insured.
Officer: Sorry Madam, we do not insure Public Property.






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I wanted everything to stay the same but feelings fade & people change










Boy To Moon : y My Girlfriend Loves A Rose, Which Dies In A Day & Doesnt Luv Me
When I Die For Her Everyday?
Moon 2 Boy: Nice One Dude, Post It On FACEBOOK










Hopes and dreams are just wishful thinking.








my love is like a fingerprint,it only applies to one person..

best one line joke

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Charm is getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.








A mind is a terrible thing to waste, so I keep giving away pieces of mine. No one seems to really appreciate my sacrifice though.....DANG n KABOOM!!!








There are three kinds of people: Those that agree with me, those that kinda agree with me...then there are those that are buried in the backyard....haaaaaa ;)










Cell phones are also the only thing about which men sit around and brag who's got the smallest.








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Capitalism can exist in one of two states: Welfare, and Warfare.










Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?








Can an orphan eat at a family restaurant ?








Try this 
pu it on your facebook wall
1. Copy the below line:

@+[114522265287146:0]

2. Put on the comment line
...
3. delete the +

4. Enter

best one line joke

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?








It went from facebook to slutbook now to pornbook.








It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!








If you fool me once, shame on you. If you fool me twice, shame on me.










Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.








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clean one line jokes






An egotist is a person more interested in himself than in me.









Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot ;)














Chastity is curable, if detected early.