short funny one liners

That awkward moment when no job will hire you bcuz you've got no experience




Best friends are the ones who are there: whenever, wherever, however and most importantly FOREVER.




That awkward moment when someone starts acting drunk after 1 drink.





The awkard moment when your friend tells your crush you like him

very funny one liners

You actually have friends?" "Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD!

Bro she just called u lazy" ... "Oh hell no! Go tell her I'm not.. 

Dear boys, what is the point of giving a fake hope? Sincerely, girls 

Girl: why is it when I brush my tongue, I gag but don't when I'm giving my bf oral?Doctor: obviously your tooth brush is bigger! 

I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant" will come back on "32 and grandma

witty one liners

Respect a woman, even if she doesn't respect herself.

One day she'll wake up and realiSE how much he meAnt to her.. that day he'll wake up besideS THAT one PRINCESS, who already knows it

On january 1, 2013 I'm gonna watch the movie 2012 and laugh.

I hate when I am singing a song on the radio and the artist gets the words wrong!! Ever happen to you?

A minute of kissing burns 26 calories. Now I know why sluts are so skinny.

funny one liners

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Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.






Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.








That awkward moment when you're talking and you realize no one cares about what you're saying.
















Facebook needs the following 3 buttons: "Dislike", "Who cares?", "Are you stupid?"










I tend to say "I dont know" when I'm too lazy to think.